Let's Talk Boundaries---Book Talk

Happy New Year! I hope that your transition into this next season is smooth and full of clarity! Something new that I want to do on my blog is to recommend some of the books I've read that have helped me.

I love to read (and listen to) books about personal development and spiritual growth. One of my favorite books that I read last year was about boundaries. I was listening to a Myliek Teele Podcast where she stated, "boundaries are as important as deodorant." I can't agree more. I have found in some of my past relationships that the issue didn't come down to the other person's actions; it came down to my lack of setting, sharing, and enforcing boundaries. It's easy to stay stuck on the fact that someone has played us in whatever capacity. But if we want to grow, we must account for our part in why someone felt comfortable to treat us that way. For me, this book has been powerful and instrumental in changing my perspective on how I interact with people.

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

When I chose this book, I was looking for something that focused on psychological principles, but I was gifted with so much more: this book was written by two Christian psychologists. So it marries faith with psychology, which are two of my favorite things! I will not rob you of what you will gain from reading this book, filled with practical steps for setting boundaries, scriptures, and real-life scenarios. This book goes from fundamental principles about boundaries to boundaries with family, friends, children, spouse, the internet, in dating, yourself, and God, I think that anyone can benefit from reading it (or listening to it). Below I will share some of the principles that I have taken from the book that were super helpful, awe-inspiring, and powerful.

Click the image below for the link to purchase the book. This post is not sponsored and I do not receive anything if you purchase this book--other than the satisfaction that you are reading a really good book ;)

Here are some of my favorite takeaways from the book:

• Having and maintaining boundaries with yourself is the fruit of the Spirit that we call self-control. If we struggle with setting boundaries about how we manage our time, money, the words we speak, finishing what we start, or food, we can not simply will-power our way into having self-control. Making a decision about a boundary and maintaining it is something that the Holy Spirit will give to us. Galations 5:22-23 says "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

• God has boundaries. God teaches us about boundaries very early on in the Bible. In Genesis 2:15-17, “The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.” I believe anytime we see God setting boundaries, it is for protection. He explains clearly what the boundaries are and what the consequences are of crossing those boundaries. The Bible also shows us how God has been provoked to anger by the disobedience of the Israelites. Because God has boundaries, and when He says the consequences of those boundaries, He stands behind the punishment. And his judgement is righteous judgement. If God has boundaries, it is essential that I--we have boundaries and understand how to respect God’s, our own, and others’.

• God respects your boundaries. This was huge for me. If God respects my boundaries, everyone else has too also! God gave us free will--He does not make us choose Him. He does not make us live life the way He knows would be best but has given us a choice to accept the gift of life or to choose death. Not by coercion or manipulation, but a choice, freely given. Revelation 3:20 says, "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me." God also doesn't put more on us than we can bear. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says "...And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."

If boundaries are something you struggle with, I highly recommend this read. If you've already read the book or others, please share in the comments! And what do you think about boundaries? Have I said it way too many times in this post (maybe, lol)? Are you good at maintaining boundaries with yourself and others? Do you have a different perspective? Feel free to share; let's talk!