If You've Been Praying for a Husband...

Sisters, I don't know about you, but I have found myself deep in prayer--practically begging God for a husband. As I watched one friend after another make their way to the alter while I found myself in failed relationship after failed relationship, I became discouraged. I found it harder and harder to picture myself having a man that would be everything I imagined a husband to be. I also felt unworthy of being a wife, that because I had not met my deadline of being married by the time I turned 25, something must be wrong with me. I began making an effort to ensure that I wouldn't be the problem by beginning counseling, addressing trauma from my childhood and my adult life. I started reading and listening to development material about being a "good" or "Godly wife," making lists of what I want in a husband and making an effort to begin to make myself into a wife. I even asked my dad, who I'm very close to, "do you think I'll ever be married?" Of course, his answer was yes and that I will make an amazing wife one day. I was tortured by how many people (exes in particular) had told me, "you're going to make a great wife," or "some man is going to be very lucky to have you as a wife." Things weren't adding up to me. 

While in my season of refinement (it was ROUGH, ya'll), one day I asked God, "why am I not married yet?" and He said to me, "because where I'm taking you, you're going to have to be with a certain type of man." I didn't know at the time where God was "taking me," but I knew that I was changing, even then. I thanked Him for saving me for what He knew was best for me. Somehow though, I continued to make much of my personal time with God about teaching me to be a wife.

One Sunday, as I was leaving church, He spoke to me again, changing completely everything I thought about marriage and singleness. As I walked to my car and He said, "the man I have for you, is going to be attracted to the version of you that is pursuing purpose, not preparing for him. Focus on me." 

*drops mic.

I don't know about anybody else, but that is a mouthful! I see so many women and men making public statements on social media about desiring marriage and how hard it is to find someone that is their match. God knows that we want to be married. He knows what we like and, most importantly, what we need in a spouse. 

Psalm 139:1-4

You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.

However, God created each of us with a great purpose: to serve Him and bring glory to His name, to express worship towards Him. In our singleness, we should have intimacy with God so that He can reveal to each of us precisely why He created us. When we spend more time asking God for a husband rather than more of Him, we are demonstrating that He is not enough. We are saying to Him that we are ready to make that husband or wife our idol. 

While I still desire a husband, I don't pray for God to "give me one." I pray that the man that He has for me is well, healthy, putting Him first, being healed, being restored, and is cultivating. And that God continues to help me to desire Him more than "him." In changing the focus of my prayers to my purpose. I am keeping God at the center. I am keeping God's will for my life at the center.

If we focus on staying in alignment with God, He will give us what we desire.

Psalm 37:4

Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

I would even go so far as to say those things are already in our future waiting for us. Stay encouraged and know what God has for you is for YOU!